The Stress of Being CHILLED OUT

Now Lovelies,

I’m guessing that’s not something you expected but this is inspired by a conversation I had with a friend a few days ago. I’m just going to put this out there, raise my hand and admit something that doesn’t get talked about- there are times when I get a little stressed out finding time to do all the things we’re taught to do to stay happy and positive.

 

At one point my ‘morning’ ritual looked like this:

• meditate for greater manifestation
• work through Z-process (this is an HOUR long meditation)
• say my affirmations
• write down my goals
• write down and read out my ideal day
• practice mirror work for increased self- love and acceptance
• write down 5 things I’m grateful for

All BEFORE I left for work at 8 am. Then there are the coaches and mentors I’ve promised to check in with, my Facebook group to post in, other groups to post in and be present in to build trust and get myself known to boost business.

Then there are the endless tasks and webinars. There are days I’m invited to attend 3/4 webinars. These are typically 2 hours long (each). Everyone running these is genuinely so passionate that THEIR webinar is the ONE you need; the one that will give you the most VALUE, the one that will change your life that they send endless reminders.

“This Webinar starts in 1 day, 8 hours, 2 hours, 10 minutes”. Don’t miss it. If you are SERIOUS about changing your life/ building your business/ improving your branding you will attend. The implication being that by not attending EVERY single webinar that I am NOT serious or passionate about building my business and helping women which to be clear I AM.

Then there are the newsletters I inadvertently signed up to in order to access THE webinar that will change my life that fill my inbox.

Then there are the Facebook posts, instant messengers, Whatsapp messages to read, send. respond to,

Now, please don’t misunderstand. I am not complaining, I am extremely grateful for all these things in my life. I would not be here, writing for you, or The Huffington Post or Suburban Misfit Moms without friends, and connections.

Oh-and the book recommendations. OMG- ENOUGH EVERYONE. PLEASE. ENOUGH. I LOVE books, I love to read but ENOUGH. I must get told 10 times a week “You must read this book you would love it. It changed my life”. I believe you. I’d love to but I’m currently devoting 11 hours a day to meditating, affirmations, webinars, Facebook and I don’t have time to read ten books a week and I currently do not earn enough to buy ten books a week.

 

Are you with me? I love my life. I am insanely happy, excited about the future and all the opportunities that come to me. I LOVE all of you- even those of you that never read my blog or post in my group but remind me to be active in yours (!). I love how much support, encouragement and help I have but there are just times when it all feels like it’s way too much and I know there must be a way to do less without fearing that I’ll plummet from happy to depressed suicidal wreck overnight.

So- I streamlined. I do meditate daily. It keeps me balanced and peaceful. I do write down my goals (most of the time- sometimes I forget. Don’t tell the Goal setting police). I write daily because it weighs down on my soul when I don’t. I go outside daily to walk in the park or along the canal as this calms me and brings me joy. It also gives me time to think. I can think about all I’m grateful for and think my affirmations while I’m walking.

I post on Facebook as often as I can without feeling like it’s taking over my life. If I don’t post in YOUR group or respond to YOUR message it’s not because I’m slacking or because I’m not longer serious about making my life better it’s because I’m doing MY BEST. I’m ok with that. It’s up to you to decide if it’s good enough for you.

I do believe you need rituals and gratitude in your life to be happy, content, fulfilled but if you find yourself setting your alarm 5 hours before you go to work, or cancelling plans with friends because you feel you have to be home to watch a webinar (they’re ALWAYS recorded), or to write down your affirmations, it may be time to scale back.

Be happy, be blessed, not stressed.

Love, Light and Happiness.

Julie

Thank You!!!

Well lovelies,

One of my dreams came true this week as you all know. I was published on The Huffington Post and given free reign to continue to do so. In addition if that wasn’t crazy exciting, I was then asked if I would contribute everything I’ve written to date to Thrive Global which has yet to launch but I know will be incredible.

I started writing only a few months ago. I started writing cos I could no longer NOT write. I had been NOT writing for 40 odd years and it was weighing down on my soul. I wrote for me as I find it cathartic. it helps  me think and gather my chaotic thoughts. One of the gifts that comes with having dyslexia.

I’ve been so blessed and so pleased that anyone wanted to read what I wrote and that all my readers ( yes ALL TWELVE  of you) continued to read and be so supportive.

This may be the shortest post ever written by me (I’ve written a few this week) but I really just wanted to thank you and remind you that dreams really do come true. And you may be surprised at how easily they do. Don’t give up on your dreams no matter how huge and/ or scary they may be as TOMORROW might be the day you meet somebody who can help you achieve that.

You might need to work hard but it’s very likely you won’t. It’s a limiting belief that you have to work hard to be successful. How are you defining success anyway? Do you even know?

You may well need to change your mindset and replace YOUR limiting beliefs with new ones that will support you and help you achieve your dreams not prevent it.  Well- that’s easy enough. I know a great coach that can help you with that. And if you don’t need me ( you do- you just don’t know it YET, lol) feel free to send any of your friends/ colleagues my way.  Before I become a best selling writer and they cannot afford me 🙂

My last day with my Lili is on Tuesday (I won’t dwell on that; you all know what this means to me) so I have some time to help a few awesome women achieve their goals and develop a kick ass mindset.

 

Love, Light and Happiness- it’s your choice.

 

Let’s Talk About ME (time)

Hi Lovelies,

Sunday again. Hope you’ve all had a week that filled you with joy.  I’m without my Lili for a week or so while she’s off sunning herself with her parents so I’ve had even more time to myself to reflect and work. Ever since I managed to connect with my inner mentor who was full of all kinds of insightful invaluable advice (” Stay true to yourself, keep faith, everything will be sublime” ) I’ve found myself thinking more and more “What would Joy do?” Why? Well she knows me better than anyone else and she doesn’t give me conflicting advice.

Setting up a business takes time, work, love and patience. I got to a point where I was overwhelmed with advice.

“You’ve got to hustle, you’ve got to speak out, you’ve got to work day and night, be hungry, chase success; “Listen to your intuition, trust in The Law of Attraction, be patient, the universe always knows when the time is right for you, go with the flow”

And if you think that sounds like advice from very different people, it’s not. I’ve had the same people say all of the above often in the same conversation. I’ve had days where I’ve felt weighed down with all the things I could be doing and getting impatient that I don’t have clients queuing up to work with me yet. Then I made coffee and had a chat with Joy.

“Ok, what’s with the self doubt creeping in Lady?” she asked. “You’ve been setting up a business for 3 months, not 3 years. You’ve inspired people, you’ve helped people, you’ve written blog posts that have been shared hundreds of times- not bad for someone who only started publishing her writing 5 months ago.”  Then she got really into the tough love and said some words I wouldn’t repeat but I got the point. Chill out, follow my intuition and listen to my soul.

I found myself immersed in ‘me time’ articles and podcasts about the importance of looking after yourself. After all, what’s the point of hustling like crazy to end up with the life you dreamed of and created if you’re so burnt out it no longer makes you happy.

I took a few weekends out. I didn’t see or speak to anyone. I logged out of social media and turned my phone off for three days. How often do you do that? Does it scare you to be “off grid”? Shall I tell you what happened? I spent hours on end walking barefoot though the park, I read books by the river, I walked the canal. I meditated. I found my peace- then I logged back into the world.

How many emails? Texts? Messages? Three days-OMG. NONE. That’s right. NONE. The world keeps moving with or without you. If you’re not a world leader or a surgeon there’s a pretty good chance that nobody needs you that much. As a very confident introvert I’m very comfortable telling my friends that I need to protect my peace and go solo. No guilt involved.

So it got me thinking about all of you? How do you look after yourselves? When was the last time you took a day off just for you? Not a day off when you spent it with your phone in your hand, laptop open, checking emails. A day for you,

You want to keep going and stay happy? You want to feel calm and peace underlying the excitement and joy? Take care of YOU. It’s ok. Try it. Great things come to you when you make space for them.

I’ve just been given the most unique opportunity which will allow me to meet even  more soul sisters, make new friends and help to defend the innocence of those most at risk. I’m excited, You will be too- watch this space.

 

Love, Light and Happiness (Choose it and it’s yours)

 

Julie xx

 

“What Kind of Fuckery is This?”

Yes my lovelies I did steal that from a song and No- I don’t know which one. I’m going to go with Alanis.

It’s been an exciting few weeks! I’ve had a guest blog post published (and been asked to write more) discovered I can write on LinkedIn, given an inpromtpu speech, learned to my greatest joy that there is such a thing as sing-along screenings of Frozen that require dressing up and are adults only!!!!

I’ve experienced Theta Healing, dealt with resentment (I’m not perfect and you sell a phone on Ebay listed as “not working for parts only” tell me it wouldn’t smart a little when 3 months later the buyer opens a dispute against you- which you lose and have to refund him because “the phone doesn’t work!”), attracted some awesome new women into my life. I must mention the very lovely, relentlessly charming and persuasive Emma Mackins for presenting with an exciting new business venture (more to come).

I’ve been given the opportunity to help the wonderful Komplete Small run a workshop and been introduced to ‘Before Breath’ by Selina Brown (“She learned to love the parts of herself that nobody ever clapped for”). Thanks to ‘Playing Big’ I learned to get in touch with my inner mentor who turns out to be all wise, all knowing and generally all round freaking fantastic and gives me the best advice.

So where  is the fuckery?! You cry. I do my best not to judge. It is not my intention to bad mouth or call anyone out so this has been rattling around in my heart and my conscience  for a few days. I chose to share this so you can learn how to deal with something if it happens to you.

I’ve been so blessed and fortunate to meet some inspirational and motivational people the past few months. I met someone who describes themselves as a motivational mindset coach (cool, huh?). I’ve heard this person speak on several occasions and confess felt a little in awe.  When they said they had been raised in a family where they were told there was no such word as ‘can’t’  I imagined what that would be like. I was told I wasn’t good enough- at everything so this sounded like a much better way. When this person spoke of ‘being authentic, playing full out, being fearless” I found myself questioning myself. “Am I doing these things? Well, DOH. Of course I am. Well, thanks to Liz Gilbert I’m good with courageous. Fearlessness is for sociopaths!

Then we had a conversation. This person was asking for ways to attract more speaking gigs. I suggested reaching out on LinkedIn; when I discovered you could write on LinkeIn, I suggested that. The response I received.

“I can’t do any thing on LinkedIn. I still use it for work. I don’t want anyone to know I’m looking for other work!”

WTF?!! You Can’t?!!! You are building your entire reputation on the fact that” there is no such word as can’t”. What is the worst that can happen? What are YOU afraid of? I felt like I’d been sucker punched. I felt this person I had been looking up to had been lying to me. They weren’t being authentic. They weren’t walking the walk. Disillusion overwhelmed me. I could feel it sitting on me.

I decided to step back. Take my ego out of the equation and work out why this affected me so much. Why did this matter? I know that when you have a strong reaction to something-good or bad- it’s generally down to you and what you’re afraid of. I also believe there are times you have to fake it until you make it (not the same thing as being a fraud).  Was I afraid I was a fake? NO. So why did this unsettle me? And then I got it.

I was slightly in awe of this person and allowing myself to be swayed by them. When they post daily challenges on Facebook daring you to leave your comfort zone I found myself feeling obliged to do them. I felt a real sense of “If you wanna be in my gang”. What I was feeling was disappointment in myself. I know who I am. I know my worth. I AM comfortable in my skin. I DO leave my comfort zone. I do NOT need to prove myself to anyone. I was upset because I had allowed myself to be influenced by somebody who is LESS sure of themselves than I am. Somebody doesn’t yet have the confidence they declare themselves to have. And I had slipped into that danger spot of comparing myself to somebody else. This was my choice. This person never stated that I must be in awe of them, bow to their will or compare myself to them. I made those choices. And they were bad choices.

Lessons learned. What lesson do you need to learn? That ex, work colleague. neighbour who really annoys you? Why? What is it that they make you deal with inside yourself that you’re so busy running from or not dealing with. Step back, take away the ego. What happens?

Love, Light and Happiness (Chose it and it’s yours)

Julie x

WHY?

Have you been asked this recently? “What is your WHY?” This seems to be THE question of the moment but what the **** does it mean?

When you chose to work with people, when you have a passion and drive that won’t let you stop, take a break or give up no matter how challenging things get you have a ‘WHY’ behind you. It’s what makes you get up at 6 am on a Sunday morning to spend 8 hours at a seminar when you could be chilling in the park reading a trashy novel with a cold beer or a glass of Prosecco.

I know this. I’ve heard it, I’ve spoken of it. Last week I felt it. I also stepped out of my comfort zone. Without planning to. When I say ‘stepped’ it was more like an invisible zip wire ride out of my comfort zone. You may remember I recently attended a workshop to get over my fear of public speaking. It transpired I don’t have a fear, I’m just not passionate about it. I have no desire to be on stage and speak to packed auditoriums.  Everything happens for a reason you know dear ones and I met some very special people that day.

Last week I went to a speakers event at The Royal Albert Hall to hear some of those people speak. Purely for support of course. It was a great evening. I found myself surrounded by Theta Healers ( This is a another post for another day). Met some wonderful new people and got to connect with a bunch of new friends too.

I had a lovely relaxing fun evening just sitting back and enjoying  4 great speakers. I loved their passion. Their obvious joy in sharing their stories and their ‘WHY’ was palpable. At the end they asked if anyone had questions.

And then my WHY leaped out of nowhere and hurled me onto that zip wire so far out of my comfort zone I landed in my uncomfort planet. A lovely, quiet spoken man raised his hand and asked “How do I learn to live and think like you? I’ve been negative, scared and unhappy for 37 years. It’s too late for me” (I may be paraphrasing.)

I listened as the speakers replied. They gave great answers. But- I knew I had a BETTER one. I raised my hand and suddenly found myself facing 20+ people. Speaking. Does it sound arrogant or disrespectful that I believed I had a better answer than the speakers? I can see how. What did I know that they didn’t? SIMPLE. I’m older than all of them.

None of them could truthfully say “I was negative, unhappy, depressed and full of self loathing for 47 years. Now I’m an Intuitive Happiness Coach!”

Nobody could say that because it’s my story. It’s my truth. I had no intention of speaking and telling my story in front of that group. What was my “WHY”? I could feel the pain, fear and sadness that man was feeling. I knew that hearing my story would help him. I felt it help him. Afterwards he gave me the biggest hug and told me I was beautiful.

The next day I got a message from a gorgeous lady I’d met for the second time that evening asking me if I’d like to run workshops with her. YES!!!

When your WHY is so big you leap out of your comfort zone without thinking, you know you’re following your purpose and your passion. When you get a high from the fact you helped somebody you know there’s no going back. And when you’re able to look at your comfort zone in your rear view mirror, magical opportunities come to you.

Do you know what your WHY is? Are you taking the steps to achieve what you’re driven to do? CONGRATULATIONS.

You’re not? Get in touch. Let me help you take away the fear and the doubt that’s stopping you. http://www.yourdreamlifeawaits.com/

Love, Light and Happiness. Choose it and it’s yours. xx

 

PS: It’s International Friendship Day Today. Ring your besties and tell them you love them. Thank them for the light they bring into your life.

Thank you all for being in mine 🙂

 

Julie

 

A Confession!

Hello Again Lovelies,

I do believe I promised I would never lie to you and share my experiences as my life progresses.

I KNOW how to be happy. I know how to unleash my joy (I wrote a guide). I know I attract what I focus on. I know that getting stressed and frustrated does not serve me in anyway.

Clearly this means I am at all times, serene. calm. blissfully happy and never doubt myself. I never stress. There is nothing I cannot do. Right?

Well, not exactly. I have an issue. A teensy one that barely needs mentioning. I do not love technology. I am not naturally gifted with this.

Okay- let’s get real shall we? I absolutely FREAKING HATE technology. I am so totally OVER watching hours and hours of videos and studying and attending 3 hour long webinars which all tell me setting up this or that is childs play. That if you can click a mouse, you can do “this”. That it will only take 20 minutes and it will change my life.

Want to know how my business is going? It’s NOT 😦

Am I a great coach? Yes. Am I working my butt off night and day? Yes.  So why am I stuck? Because I’ve spent roughly 40 hours a week for the past six weeks watching webinars and studying stuff that I just don’t get. I spent 12 hours trying to figure out Hootsuite to save myself time on social media. I have spent weeks and weeks attempting to learn the things I need to do to grow my business and attract clients. I have endless people telling me all I need to do is ” X” and it’s “easy”. “There are loads of videos on YouTube”.

There are loads of videos on YouTube. Each one of them more confusing than the last. “Watch me lead my 6 year old set up a website in 20 minutes” said one.  I was 6 minutes in when he said ” Your screen now looks like this…”  ” No, it doesn’t. LOOK! Mine looks nothing like that”  (I wanted to scream at him. Oh, ok. I did scream it at the screen).

“Just click this button here” he said.  “What button? I don’t have THAT button!”  I got stressed, I got frustrated. I got a migraine. I cried.

The bad wolf is taking over.

“Your such a loser. A SIX YEAR OLD can do this and you can’t!”

“How the *** do you think you can run a business when you can’t  even drag and drop?”

“Just what IS WRONG with you? How come EVERYONE else on the entire planet can do this in their SLEEP and you can’t. At all?”

I post in various groups asking for help. I get two types of response.

1. ” Have you watched the videos?”  (Yes, I’ve watched the videos. See- it says right there that I’ve watched all the videos but I don’t understand them)
2.  Sorry, I don’t know how to do it either? Are there any videos you can watch? (This is NOT helping me. If you cannot help me, why respond to ” I need Help”?)

So you see my unleashers of joy. We all have challenges. We all feel like just giving up and saying “It’s too hard. I can’t do it.” What is the answer?

Do what I’m doing. Take a breath, do something you know you’re good at (writing). be vulnerable (confess to you all that I still have moments- lately they’re more like weeks) where I don’t love myself or believe in myself but I know  that’s exactly all they are. Moments of self doubt and FEAR.

Face Everything And RISE

I will not run. I will not not hide. I will NOT give up. Getting frustrated and stressed doesn’t mean I’m failing. It means I’m human. It means I want to better myself. It proves I have passion for what I do.

Be passionate ladies, be driven, accept that you will fail. A lot. Failure does not break you. How you chose to respond to failure might break you. There will be a day when I look back at this and laugh.

And when somebody posts a message saying ” Please help me. I’m completely overwhelmed” I promise I will hear what they are actually saying which is “If this is so freaking easy and takes 30 minutes to do will somebody PLEASE just do it for me before I curl up in a ball and cry!”  and I will respond ” Don’t stress. This is not easy. It took me months to do but I will do this for you because I have felt what you are feeling”.

You can quote me on that.

WAIT! STOP! THIS IS NOT WHERE THIS POST ENDS!!!!!!

Wow- so did I get a wake up call yesterday? So, The above was a complete post. And then magical things happened and the universe stepped up to support me. It does that, you know. You just have to take your head out of your ass sometimes so it can.

I wrote the above and then went off to chill out at a Spa courtesy of a lovely new friend who invited me as her guest. Rosie has been running her business for years and has her shit together. She’s awesome, inspiring, pragmatic and has a clearly defined Bull Shit detector- the latter I discovered yesterday. I was having a mini (?) rant about my challenges. In her own very subtle, no nonsense way, Rosie helped me see that spending 30+ hours a week for 6 weeks struggling with something that was so difficult for me, it was stressing me out and holding me back wasn’t determined or honorable it was just plain stubborn and stupid!!! Genuinely smart, successful women accept their flaws , accept that we all have different gifts and know when to step back. LET GO and delegate. I’m currently looking for a VA. I had assumed ( again, dumb. dumb, dumb) that I couldn’t afford help. Firstly, that is old. fearful scarcity thinking and I know better and secondly I hadn’t done a single seconds worth of research. It looks highly likely that I will be able to get somebody to do all this for me for less than £50. Considering I’ve spent about 3 times that on courses to learn how to do it myself, it’s a no brainer.  My stress has vanished.

One of my favourite mantras is ” I never lose. I win or learn.” I forgot that for a while. I was too busy feeding the bad wolf to think. I was too busy piling blame and failure on my own shoulders. I lost a few weeks- it could have been months or years. I’ve learned a very powerful lesson. Maybe one day when the pressure is off and the money is rolling in I’ll faff around learning this techie stuff. I probably wont. Why? Because I don’t want to. I don’t like it. It doesn’t spark joy within my soul.

Nobody else can coach the way I coach. Several million people can set up Leadpages/ Drip email/ Callendaly. It’s not rocket science.

Celebrate your mistakes lovelies. You never know how much you will learn from them and you may just discover the person you need most just happens to be sitting next to you on a sun drenched patio.

Love, Light and Happiness

(sometimes it’s a hard choice but it’s always a choice)

Let’s Talk About Love!

Hello Joy Seekers,

An obvious topic don’t you think? We all need Love, we are all capable of feeling great love. It’s a minefield though isn’t it?

“So-how IS your love-life?” is one of the questions most single people dread. Why? It’s so judgemental don’t you think? Why your ‘love-life’ and not your ‘love of life’? Surely that’s the most important thing? The key to it all. I think we’ve pretty much established that if you haven’t learnt to love yourself and your life, that you’ll struggling to find deep, emotional, soul connecting romantic love.

Why is this the only type of love that seems to matter? The one we’re asked about? I’m just going to put this out there and say I think it’s BS and it’s time we stopped judging ourselves and others by what kind of love we have in our lives.

We live in an inspiring world. We are smart, courageous, flawseome individuals. I’m extremely happy in my life. I love my friends (especially the soul sisters newly gifted to me by the universe). I love my job. I love volunteering when I get the chance. I love people in general. I love travelling. I love sunshine, beaches, elephants, rainbows , lakes and woodlands. I love reading, writing and studying. I love LOVE. It is life giving, life affirming, it enriches us, supports us, encourages us to grow as people.

I’m not in love with anyone just now. OH NO!!!! What a confession. Does this diminish me somehow? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not desperately searching for HIM. Would I like to meet an amazing man, fall crazy in love and spend the rest of my life in a happy bubble fueled by passion and affection? Of course- I’m human. Is it the be all and end all of my life? Is my success or lack of in finding that deep love the benchmark by which I define myself? You know the answer.

I’m happy. Full Stop. I have a million or so things to be grateful for. I know the universe is supporting me. I’m not in a rush. (Just to be clear though universe, the next 18 months rather than 18 years is your deadline). I trust HE is coming. If you know him or you’ve already met ‘my’ man- speak up Lady. We’re a sisterhood after all.

But…and this is the big BUT. Life goes on, my happiness does not falter. I am not putting on a brave face. I feel nothing but joy and gladness when I see other people in love. To be clear I mean whoever you are in love with. Same sex, opposite sex, different races…I celebrate and cherish you all.

I recently saw a really cute gay couple walking down a quiet street ahead of me. One of them happened to look round and see they were not alone. They stopped holding hands. I was horrified. Don’t hide your love from me. Or anyone. You are not “rubbing it in my face” or “reminding me of what I don’t have”. You are sharing with me that love is real, that it exists and my next great love is around the corner. Bring on the public displays of affection. Why are we so much more comfortable with violence than affection?

If you love someone, anyone. TELL THEM. Tell them today, tomorrow and often. One day you won’t be able to. The one comfort I always held close when my brother died was that he knew I loved him. That I told him. ALL. THE. TIME.

Don’t be selfish with your love, don’t compete with those you love, don’t envy or be jealous. When we chose love we win. When we chose to love and support one another we win. When we give and have love we are never alone.

 

Love, Light and Happiness.

 

I would like to dedicate this to a very special soul sister. You know who your are. I know you would cross that ocean to slap me if I named you. Your hand is still in mine. I’m not letting go.

A Love Letter :)

Hello Again Dreamers,

I’m going to indulge myself this week but I know you will understand and roll with it. You know I was once in a place of darkness and fear. I’ve shared many of the things that brought me into the light and helped me be excited about my life.

I’ve not shared with you the tale of the person who brought me the most light, laughter, joy, happiness and love. If ever I have a nanosecond of anything less than joy, there is one person I think of and my smile comes back.

Around 2 and half years ago, I figured I needed to get my act together and earn some money. I was battered, bruised, full of self doubt and didn’t believe I could do anything. I was volunteering 6 days a week with people living with HIV. It was amazing. I met incredibly brave, inspirational people who kept me grounded.  I loved it. I also found it impossible to step back. I spent every waking minute worrying about my service users, researching new ways to help. I needed something to focus on.

The universe stepped up and gave me the greatest gift. I was sent the sweetest 3 month old baby to take care of. I’m not crazy about children. I didn’t want to go back to being a nanny but I thought I’d do it for a couple of months.

Fool! I genuinely believe Lili is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. She is the gift that keeps on giving. I can barely put into words how blessed I am , how fortunate I’ve been to spend 3 days a week in her presence. Lili radiates light and joy. I suspect she may be a magical creature who was sent to the world to make it a brighter, purer, better place.

When Lili giggles, which she does often my heart flips. She charms everyone she comes into contact with. She is the greatest teacher of the Law of Attraction I could ever have had. Lili knows nothing but love, happiness and adoration because this is all she gives.  She can make the most stony faced harassed business man stop to pat her on the head and tell her what beautiful eyes she has. Lili has no concept of disappointment. Nothing makes her sad or spoils her day.

I recently had my card declined when paying for her lunch. As I handed her a little kids lunch box full of goodies her eyes lit up and she clutched it to herself. I had to take it away and tell her she couldn’t have it. I fought back tears, it was hateful. I’ve never felt like I’ve let someone down so badly. Her reaction? She smiled at me and said “Let’s go play!”.  No blame, no tears, no tantrum.

Later that day when I attempted to get her to take a nap ( she was having none of it!) she decided to distract me by recounting our day. There was nothing she forgot- from the lady on the bus who showed Lili great pictures of her on snapchat to the bizarre sculpture of a stingray outside The Dorchester. The only thing she didn’t mention was me taking back her exciting looking lunch and handing her some water and rice cakes instead.

The best way I can describe the way I love this child is to tell you she is part of my heartbeat. I miss her when she naps. I miss her when she’s too busy talking to Egor, Mousy, Big Jeff (or any of her other toys) to waste her time playing with me. When she goes on holiday and I don’t see her for weeks, I feel like part of me is missing. I count the days until she comes back.

Is this professional? Hell No. Is it real- absolutely. Why am I telling you this now? I’m sharing this now because my days of basking in her light are ending. My Lili is going to nursery in September and I am surplus to requirements. I KNOW this is a positive thing for my business.  I KNOW I manifested this. I KNOW I will get so much more support and help from the government when I’m no longer earning a salary. I KNOW I will get to see her now and again.

But it feels like my heart is being ripped out. A few days ago when she threw herself into my arms and declared ” Julie and Lili so happy together” I held her tight so she wouldn’t see my tears. There are more of them as I’m writing this.   Why am I writing this? For Lili. One day she might want to know what happened. She may ask why I just stopped coming to play. She might not have anyone to do “wiggly bottom dancing” with. I need her to be able to find this, to know how much it pained me to lose her. To know I didn’t want this. That I would have moved mountains, hell- I’d give up ice cream if I could keep her in my life. I need her to know without doubt that I love her with every fibre of my heart and I will always be right HERE when she needs me.

 

Never stop sparkling Lili . Never stop drawing jellyfish and rainbows. Never doubt you are the most joyous, wondrous person I was lucky enough to know.

 

If you have someone in your life you love, tell them. Often. You never know when you won’t be able to.

 

Love. Light and Happiness (even when there are tears)

No idea HOW to get what you want? Good News.

Hello Again Dear Hearts,

Once again I must apologise for my terrible memory [to myself as much as you] which has caused me to fail to tell you something amazing, magical and life changing until now.

As you may know I’ve been setting up my coaching practice. I know my stuff, I’ve had an ‘interesting’ life and I’m confident in my abilities so it’s very exciting knowing I’ll be able to get paid doing something amazing.

I have all kinds of great ideas [I’m an ideas girl]. I was merrily writing down goals and plans and then I had an unexpected visit from The Bad Wolf!! How dare he; thought I’d slain that miserable creature. The Bad Wolf said ” I see you’re writing an online course for your clients.” “ I am.” I replied rather smugly.  He was cunning though, he was being so subtle it took me a while to recognise him. ” Content looks sound; you must have put a lot of work into this.” He said in almost honeyed tones. ” You even managed to get it looking freaking awesome in PowerPoint!” he complimented me.

Can you see why I didn’t recognise him at first? You see, he knows I’m onto him so he’s just got more cunning and devious.  You ready for what he threw at me?

” So tell me, how EXACTLY are you going to put this course ONLINE. How will people access it?” 

Oh NOOOOO!!! I have no clue. I panicked, briefly. And then I remembered something I read a while ago. I think it may have been a Buddhist article. I’ll shorthand it but what they believe essentially is that you have 2 jobs. Your mind was developed to do TWO things. It’s incredible. Ready.

1. Decide what you want
2. State when you want it.

That’s it.!! It seems our delicate little brains weren’t designed for problem solving; that’s what the universe does. You see, the universe is brilliant and clever and has unlimited resources. The universe also wants to support you and make all your dreams come true but there’s a lot of us asking at the same time so it needs simple guidance. Decide what you REALLY want and When. Be specific, don’t change your mind. Don’t tread on the universe’s toes when it’s doing it’s best to help.

 

Let me explain that in shopping terms. Let’s say I have a hot date tomorrow and I know I’m going to be on a gorgeous roof top terrace in brilliant sunlight. It WILL be a warm and sunny evening. My date will send a car for me so I don’t have to walk. The dress code is black tie. I can go to, lets say ASOS [other online shopping options are available] and order a size 8 black cocktail dress and 5 inch killer heels and some matching gorgeous sunnies. Done, simple. ASOS can send it out NOW.

Now, imagine I ring them and say I want something to wear, not sure what size or colour. I don’t know where I’m going to or what I’m doing. I might be hiking across snow covered mountains but I might be going to a BBQ on the beach. I might be walking lots. I might be carried. I don’t know when I want it. When will ‘it’ arrive?

You can see how impossible it would be. This is why the ‘how’ is not up to you. Your brain is saying things like “What if I haven’t had my legs waxed? I’ll wear jeans. No, trousers. Actually I’ll make it a jumpsuit…oh, no, it’s a pain to go to the bathroom [!], I’ll wear a maxi dress. Where shall I shop? What if I don’t have time….”

Decide what you want and when and then leave well alone. Do not meddle. Trust in the universe. 

I was so happy when I read this and even happier when I remembered it as he we do not name started taunting me. Have I figured out how to get my awesome course online yet? NO! Still not a clue. ” Am I bovered?” [You have to read that Catherine Tate stylee] NOOO. I know it’s the right way for me to go. The day after I decided to just leave the tough stuff to somebody else, I got a message from a lovely lady in one of my Facebook groups offering to mentor me. One step closer. She sells online courses.

But by any chance one of you lovelies knows how to magically get my course from my laptop to the WORLD WIDE WEB [or knows somebody who does] and would be willing to sort that out in return for a free course, do not be shy. Speak up 🙂

So lovelies…put it out there. Be specific. Stick to it. Set the intention, manifest that peachy butt off but do NOT interfere. Just let it be. Doesn’t that feel better?

You’ll all be invited to my housewarming when I move into my penthouse in Brighton in January and  once I get my house in Olu Deniz next June, I’ll have an open house policy. You can ‘pay’ me in Prosecco.

Speaking of Prosecco …today is my birthday. Cheers!

Love, Light and Happiness [Choose it and it’s yours]

Ready to be coached yet? http://julielachtay.wix.com/mysite

Need more info? https://www.facebook.com/letsfindjoytogether/

In Praise of Women!!!!

Hi Lovelies,

Another topic I can’t believe I’ve neglected until now. In my darker days I didn’t have a lot of friends. Shocking huh? I mean just because I was miserable, depressed, crippled with self loathing, and couldn’t think of a single thing in my life to be grateful for you’d have thought one or two people would have overlooked that wouldn’t you?  To be fair there were a couple and they are still my biggest supporters.  Ms Hazan, Ms Dinsmoore. Thank You.

Having no friends is truly horrible. Loneliness is so ..well lonely and isolating.I think it could be classed as an illness. Feeling rough? Had a bad day? What is the first thing any article, blog post, GP, will say…talk to a friend; spend time with people that love you. Not so easy when they’re thin on the ground.

Have you ever spent your birthday alone? I mean absolutely alone. No phone calls/ texts/ emails. No cards, no gifts, just nothing? I have..in fact in the past 15 years or so I think I probably spent 13 of them like that. Christmas morning….waking up alone, nobody to talk to or exchange gifts with. Just endless hours ahead. You can watch TV but watching a million other people having the Christmas you want doesn’t make you feel better.

Ok…let’s jolly this along shall we with a little reminder….” You get what you put out”. Since I learned the secrets to happiness, I’ve gained so many new friends it’s hard to keep track. I don’t just mean women I can go for a drink in a bar with.Not that I don’t love and appreciate you too. I mean FRIENDS. The ones you see in TV shows. The sort of women who are never to busy to support, encourage and inspire me. The sort of friends you KNOW without doubt you could ring at 3 am  to share amazing news…or to sob down the phone if it was the other type.

I’m astounded at how easy it is to attract amazing, kind, brave, authentic, wise, funny, clever,intriguing women into my life these days [Ok. so I’m still sitting home alone writing this on a Friday night so if you’re not quite there yet, don’t give up]. You want to know my secret? You want to know how you can do this too? I’m going to use a quote from an unlikely source now. Ready? “Be Excellent to Each Other” [Thanks Bill and Ted; and Lisa-Lyn Adams for making me remember that].

Now you may be thinking there’s a flaw in my logic. How can you be excellent to your friends if you don’t have any?! Start with you [In fact- that’s part of the secret to happiness. Always start with you. Put you first. If you don’t give me one reason why anyone else will]. Be your own best friend. Be kind to yourself. Have fun with yourself. I was about to say keep it clean…but hey…be as dirty with yourself if you like. The sex toy business needs YOU.  Rabbits aside, learn to have fun on your own. I recently had a blind date!!! EEK. We arranged to meet at Regents Park. Strolled through the park on a glorious sunny day admiring the flowers, listening to birds singing. There was music. A delicious lunch in town followed by ice cream. It was a perfect date. I had a great time.

How is this having fun by yourself you ask?? Read closely- did I say he turned up?!! LOL…no, he didn’t. Who gives a ****? Again, see above. I had a perfect day. I didn’t waste 2 or 3 hours of my life with a guy who clearly wasn’t man enough or polite enough to be worthy of me. When you learn to have fun by yourself, and to be your best friend you give off some kind of woo woo ” Hey I’m awesome, cool and super fun. You want to be my friend!” vibe and people come to you.

Still not convinced? You can share my friends. They’re all stupendous and would welcome you. Start here :https://www.facebook.com/groups/1723565477918192/

I know you can get caught up in the whole ‘Mean Girls’ loop, especially if you’re cursed by youth [HA HA] and you could read all kinds of stuff about how successful, ambitious women will trample all over you and only use you and see you as competition. Those Mean Girls are out there but guess what- don’t be one of them, don’t fear them, don’t even think about them and you won’t meet them.

Real women embrace one another. We lift each other up. We support, encourage and love each other. We celebrate our friend’s successes genuinely with an open heart free of resentment or jealousy. We root for one another. We share. We share love, we share advice, we share business tips, and failures, we share books and knowledge and everything we have. We choose love over fear. When you give absolute trust, love, kindness, generosity; when you hold nothing back you only bring other people into your life that will treat you the same way.

Attract people with the same ideals, ideas , sense of humour and values as you. That’s where your friend ship docks [OUCH. that was bad huh but couldn’t resist it].

I recently went to visit a much much loved friend of mine. I met Nikki in Malawi a million or so years ago where we spent several months dossing around on the lake shore listening to Bob Marley, playing cards [I LOST EVERY GAME] and generally being crazy happy.  We then didn’t see each other for 15 years. When we did meet up again, it was like we’d been apart a week.  Nikki is not a girlie girl, she IS a badass accountant,  she would never be seen dead in anything pink or orange or flowery. She arranged her entire wedding and honeymoon around the Grand Prix. She LOVES football and she listens to rock music.

I LIVE in girlie orange/ pink/ floral girlie stuff [often at the same time]. I have sparkly neon orange nails as I write. I don’t understand sport as a concept. Rock music sort of makes me want to rip my ears off with my feet.  We were out shopping for trainers. I pointed gleefully at a florescent orange pair. Nix looked genuinely horrified, laughed and asked ” How are we friends?!” That was when I realised what makes real friends. It doesn’t matter if you don’t look alike, dress alike, or like the same music. You can meet a hundred woman you have that in common with but it’s your core values, the way you treat people, the way you love people that connects you. Of course you do need to like doing some of the same stuff or you may as well just stay home alone so in case you’re wondering; we both love the sun. We’re both crazy happy walking along the beach barefoot, we both eat, we have the same sense of humour, we’re both really painfully blunt and honest and she’s the only person alive who was brave enough to attempt to teach me how to drive 🙂

When I put my vision board together I gathered up pictures of all the people that inspire me. Want to know who they are? In no particular order. Oprah, Maya Angelou, Kate Winslet, Elizabeth Gilbert, Victoria Beckham, Beyonce, Emma Watson and Taylor Swift.

My vision board takes up most of one wall in my flat. I look at it constantly. It had been up for three months when a friend pointed out all my inspiration people were women. All ages, all races, all incredible. 

In fact I’m just going to put it out there and say, if you don’t feel as happy in your life as you believe you “should” [terrible word, I won’t use it again,] look at the women in your life and if they don’t fill you with joy and happiness and if you don’t bring them joy and happiness, it may be time for a reshuffle.

But just to be clear, I LOVE men too. Some of my best friend are men. All of my lovers have been men. They have a place in my world and in my heart but….well, they’re just not part of the sisterhood tribe that make my soul shine and my heart sing.

Now..go call your best friend [if that’s you; write you a letter] and have be happy.

Want to know about my coaching services and how I can help you unleash your joy and be HAPPY?

Look here: https://www.facebook.com/letsfindjoytogether/

Or here: http://julielachtay.wix.com/mysite

Love, Light and Happiness [Choose it and it’s yours]

Julie xx